zackgage

07:48 pm - Torment of The Soul

Look at you. Do you find satisfaction in the way you treat others. Your snide comments, your crude sense of humor. You play a real asshole when you are in the rooms with others. You'll insult everyone just to get people laughing, and strike at people when they insult back. Honestly, what sort of fool are you? Take a long moment and think, when was the last time you actually fulfilled something meaningful?

Ah, but look at you now, long has it been since you were such a bastard. What are you now? Still a bastard but one with a purpose. You stepped away from all the pettiness you had filled your life with. The lies, the cheating, the childness seemed to have stopped. You're helping people now, you care about people now. Yet, you do not show it, nor do you make it clear to others what you mean. You simply show off what they wish to see, your beautiful mask. The one in which you live day by day with, only momentarily taking it off when the situation calls for it.

However people are beginning to wonder about you. What are you hiding underneath that mask? Are you truly the asshole they think you are? Or are you just a complex person with so many ideals, so many beliefs and desires that feel so hopeless to you that you must hide them. Shield them from the world of prying eyes, and yet you do nothing in return to secretly gain any steps closer to what you want. What does that do to you? Does it drive you insane? Does it anger you? Or does it simply make you hollow?

Perhaps that mask needs to be shed off, allow the world to see you as you truly are. The lies you wear everyday in the benefit of yourself and others. To show you actually care only when in privacy. Why can't you be that way within a group? Within a public place? Instead of fleeing to a place to put your mask back on. Truly the world is complex all on its own, it does not need you to make it even more so then ever before.

Look at you. Even now you are contemplating on turning away and putting the mask back on. Be as you wish others to see you to be. Your a coward at heart, crying alone. You make false attachments with everyone around you, befriending them as the fake you, and not the real you. The better you. Yes, truly what is underneath is far better than what you have in view. So take off the mask, accept death's embrace, and be who you are for the first time in your life.




Bowwwww Chika OW OW! In the prospect of man, one can not see what is beneath the surface, one can only assume they know someone and only question themselves on whether they are right or not. The same is said for knowing thyself. The greatest accomplishment in life, is by the time of your death, you finally realize who you truly are.

11:16 pm - 15 People Who'll Probably Always Be In My Heart. (good or bad)

((Kay, the world is dead tonight and I have nothing better to do. Lets give this a whirl!))

Write 15 things to 15 people but don't say who. Commenters may, ponder, sob, and perhaps even tear their hair out in paranoid fury, but there is no obligation to reveal who the messages are intended for.
Well…everyone else is doing it. Most of these people aren’t even on LJ, but its just nice to…say what I mean for once instead of playing politics. I’m not going for paranoia…just venting! I’m just gonna choose however many people that I feel strongly about as of right now. Cause you know, that always changes. It’ll be pretty obvious who I’m talkin’ about…

1) Honestly, I simply do not care anymore. Really and honestly, I hate you. But I don't care anymore. Do as you please, everyone is aware of everything, even when you try to hide it. At this point, you could simply disappear from my life and I wouldn't give two shits. I would always remember you because you were the perfect role model in my life of what I don't EVER want to become. Thanks a lot for that much of a lesson in life. Asshole.

2)What can I say? I love you. You're funny, you're helpful. All my friends love you. And for some reason, at the same time I despise you. Ah.. woo on me. You have far too much expectations of me. I mean, in all honesty, I know it's paranoia and lack of self esteem on my part when I don't ever see myself accomplishing anything in life. But even if I did, you're like the movie character whom the teenage boy pretends to be everything, and continues to take your endeavors, your compliments and your bragging and secretly hate it all together. I can't stand it when you talk about me like I'm the greatest person on this planet. I know that it's natural for you to do such a thing, but it bugs me the hell out. It gives me paranoia, makes me feel like I have to try harder and harder just to satisfy everyone, especially you.

3)Kay, when I first met you, I figured 'This is some strange guy'. Especially since you randomly IMed me online, gushing over a fanfic I wrote. It turned out to be cool to talk to you though, but then I guess we became friends, and it went downhill. You're just fucking annoying, and a pitycase. You want the world to be centered around you, and you have no problems telling complete bullshit lies just to seek sympathy of others. Truly, it irks me.

4)'Where did the nice Zack I used to know go?' I hear this from you everyday at college. Really... I can't bring myself to be nice as I was towards you. I would like to, and I would like to continue to be your friend, but with everyone against the idea, and I do mean EVERYONE, it makes it more trouble then it's worth. So I tease, I harass, i insult, anything to just make everyone else happy. And i feel guilty about it everyday, and I get angry when I have to listen to my family and friends talk shit about you, and I've told them as much. They just simply won't ever let anything go, they refuse to just forget. It's just a big pain in the ass. Especially when they only know half the truth after I've told them the whole truth. They simply don't believe me, so I just continue to fake it for the world to see.

5)Kay, now onto less emo matters. Although at times you can kind of be emo when in reference to girls. I feel bad for you man, I really do. I mean, your only issue is your damn insecurity issues, which I understand and can see where you're coming from. But what you don't seem to realize is that if you continue to act the way you do in front of a group of people, and act that way towards a girl you like, you have everything under control. You're a nice guy, and a damn good friend. Sometimes I think I'm your only friend and everyone else is just associates for you, but really... you just need to let go of a few things and be yourself. =)

6) Hmmm... Tough one at this. To be honest for a complete moment. I don't really find myself happy down the line. Yet I feel the need to stay where I am. It's confusing to be afraid in the way I am. You smoother the hell out of me, and I never have any time for myself until it's 12:00 A.M. And if I ask for you to leave me alone for just a day or so, I'm afraid you'd get worried, self-conscious, and try to make up for a mistake that you never made to begin with. And I just fucking HATE the phrase 'I'm sorry' coming out of your mouth. Especially after you freak out on me when your mind plays tricks on you. I understand, and I don't need an apology; it's not easy to get over everything, and somethings will be with you for your entire life. I just... don't know why I'm still where I am at. I mean... I gave up on trying to help you overcome everything, I know I can't help you anymore than I have. I just don't know why I do this to myself. No.. I do know why, but it's a stupid reason. Especially when I concern myself about other people, and not do what I want. You're one of the bigger reasons why I just want t disappear for awhile.

7)Kay, you annoy me. But I love you anyway. You complain a lot, but you don't do anything about it all, which is what really irks me. You take everything I say too seriously, when everything I say is a joke. I guess that's my fault since you've told me that you can't tell when I'm joking or not anymore because I always sound sarcastic nowadays. My bad. << *Pats head* It's okay though.

8)Kay, I'm not too close to you, because I never put forth the effort. But you seem like a cool cat. I say I'm not close to you, but I have spoken to you lots of times. And they were always fun conversations, although sometimes I may have made a joke out on your expense. Oops! But really, I don't ever mean it as an insult. I really only tease the people that I actually care/like/or respect.

9)Every time we talk, I'm nostalgic. I realize what a great friend I have, even though things aren't the way they used to be. Long and spread out, but that just happens overtime. I know that I can be irritating and probably annoying most of the time, but that's just me trying desperately to keep in touch. Bleh. Corny. Well what can I say? I still feel like I always have and just want to at least keep you as a friend in my life. Because even though I don't say it, or show it, you help me out a lot. You seem to pop up when I'm at lows, and bring my spirits up with just random conversation, whether short or long. I'm not going to lie and say there aren't times when I just wish to turn back the clock and just do things differently to see what happens. But meh, what can you do? It's all good. You're probably one of the few that I will always have fond memories of, and will always be more than happy to think about, even if I loose contact with you for whatever reason. Chuuuu vill always be in zee heart of Zack =3. Kay.. The End.

10)Hmmm... You complain alot. And you're sour. You play a good part at being who you think everyone knows you as. If that makes any sense. Who knows? I don't. I guess you're just not happy with your life, I don't know if you ever were. You have ups and downs on the drop of the hat. You'll scream and shout at someone in anger, and then in a moment later you'll laugh it off telling them you were just yanking their chain. You probably aren't yanking everyone's chain though. I bet you just bottle everything up inside and wait for an opportune moment to let it all out. Sometimes I think I'm afraid of what you might do one day, if you'll actually hurt someone. I don't think I want to be around when that happens, but at the same time, I don't think I have the choice in the matter. Perhaps all you need to do is go on vacation, and just meet up with 'good friends' and have a hell of a time. I'm sure that will help you out in someway or another.

11) Oh man, am I glad to have met you. Really, I mean... You're such an old geezer, but I love you. I mean, I'm kind of annoying, and I like to irritate you because it funny, but I know you know that I mean well. And if you ever need anything, I'd be more than happy to help you out, and I know you already know that because I do everything I can to help you. You're one of the greatest Senior Citizens I've ever met. You senile old bastard. <3

((This is hard to hit 15. I don't think I even know that many people!))

13) Possibilities seem almost endless between you and me. At the simplest touch of my fingers, I can control you, and make you do things for me. You do as I command as if you were a servant of mine. Who knows? Maybe you are. But at this point in my life, I probably would go insane without having you in my life. Even though most nights you bore the hell out of me until I finally decide to leave you and go to bed. You would think with endless possibilities I would be able to find more entertainment in you. But oh well. I love you anyway <3

14) Alright, I annoy the hell out of you, just like a lot of people. But you know I'm joking and you're entertained by it. At least somebody understands I'm just trying to entertain. Granted, you're entertaining too. And you're one cool girl babe <3. Sorry about all the ups and downs in your life, and I'm glad I can lend an ear when you need it, but like I said, just don't let everything bottle up inside, it's bad for you. And damnit! Quit smoking because THAT'S bad for you too. Ooooh hopefully you get what you want. ^_-

15)Kay um... I'm sorry I don't visit you when I should. It's not like I don't have time, but I just don't want to. I don't hate you, I love you. I just don't want to see that sadness in your eyes because it makes me depressed. I'm doing it all over again, except this time, it's with you. At the time, I knew she wouldn't be around much longer, which is why I never visited her, thinking it would be easier. I know now that was a mistake because I regret not visiting or spending time with her when I could. So what do I do? I do the same thing with you. Bah! I never learn. At least I see you on the holidays. u____u




((P.S.- I'm a sneaky bastard ain't I... Not that there's anyone out there that will read this. MWAHAHAHHAA))

Current Mood: bored

09:14 pm - Tagged By Annie-Bella

Tagged by Ann

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse uh you can refuse! These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.



1. What are your nicknames?
Taterbug, Zackie, Asshole, jackass, cupcake...

2. What do you do before bedtime?
Get naked. =)

3. What fandom(s) are you most into at the moment?
Uh........ Vaan/Ashe? I guess. o_O If anything. I'm not really into much these days

4. What is your favorite scent?
Fresh baked blueberry muffins. Mmmm

5. What videogames are you playing at the moment?
Valhalla Knights, FFXII and KHII, oh and Crisis Core. =)

6. What is your theme song?
I have a theme song?

Current Mood: Just for Ann

09:07 pm

Nanowrimo is getting ever so closer, and now I'm going to use this as a means to write down ideas. Hmm hmm hmm....

Idea # 1-

Some times in everyone's life, they decide to throw caution into the wind and do something risky. These risks can be big, and can be small. After graduating from highschool, two friends decide they will drive off to meet up with three other friends of theirs. Sounds simple right? Here's the catch, these people only know one another from the internet, and have never met. They also happen to live on the other side of the country, and one even lives in a completely different country.

You don't realize how much you don't know someone until you finally meet them face to face. For these five friends, they learn this the hard way. Truths will be revealed, and lies will be unfolded. When all is said and done, will this turn out to be a trip that was worth taking?

Gee.... I wonder where this idea came from....... <_<.... ^_^ Idea # 2- Scientifically speaking, dinosaurs have been exinct for billions of years. But who's to say science is always right? There's plenty of stories passed around in different states and countries saying they have seen a live dinosaur. These people sometimes offer photographs that they have taken, but somehow researches end up pointing out the falsehood of the photos. For a small back water fishermen's town, the stories begin, and it seems just like any story before to bring about tourists. A couple of boats sink in the lake without any cause or reason, so the locals pin it on this dinosaur, much like the 'Lochness Monster.' However when local teen Ryan Zieg begins his own quest for this 'Lochness Monster' a variety of strange events begin to unfold around him and those around him. Could dinosaurs truly still exist in this small town? Yeah.... What can I say? xDDD Idea # 3- Demons are things of mythology, there are no real accounts of such things as demons or angels, or gods. They only appear in religion, and thus, they have stayed in such. In books. But somewhere along the lines, someone must have seen something to get such an idea of demons and angels. One day, in the town of Oxten, something happens in a museum, a murder with no trace of a suspect. Detective Richard Lexen is sent in to investigate this murder. He later realizes that the murderer is not your common killer, and he may be in over his head in this entire mess. What kind of powers are at work here? Yeah... I had a dream lastnight, and it was pretty wicked. I don't know where it took place except it was a pretty big facility, and this is the best way I can describe it for now. xD These are three ideas, I'm not sure if I'll do any of them. Who knows? I still have a while to come up with something better than all of these. ^_^ So what does everyone think?

09:04 pm - Nanowrimo!

Nanowrimo is getting ever so closer, and now I'm going to use this as a means to write down ideas. Hmm hmm hmm....

Idea # 1-

Some times in everyone's life, they decide to throw caution into the wind and do something risky. These risks can be big, and can be small. After graduating from highschool, two friends decide they will drive off to meet up with three other friends of theirs. Sounds simple right? Here's the catch, these people only know one another from the internet, and have never met. They also happen to live on the other side of the country, and one even lives in a completely different country.

You don't realize how much you don't know someone until you finally meet them face to face. For these five friends, they learn this the hard way. Truths will be revealed, and lies will be unfolded. When all is said and done, will this turn out to be a trip that was worth taking?

Gee.... I wonder where this idea came from....... <_<.... ^_^ Idea # 2- Scientifically speaking, dinosaurs have been exinct for billions of years. But who's to say science is always right? There's plenty of stories passed around in different states and countries saying they have seen a live dinosaur. These people sometimes offer photographs that they have taken, but somehow researches end up pointing out the falsehood of the photos. For a small back water fishermen's town, the stories begin, and it seems just like any story before to bring about tourists. A couple of boats sink in the lake without any cause or reason, so the locals pin it on this dinosaur, much like the 'Lochness Monster.' However when local teen Ryan Zieg begins his own quest for this 'Lochness Monster' a variety of strange events begin to unfold around him and those around him. Could dinosaurs truly still exist in this small town? Yeah.... What can I say? xDDD Idea # 3- Demons are things of mythology, there are no real accounts of such things as demons or angels, or gods. They only appear in religion, and thus, they have stayed in such. In books. But somewhere along the lines, someone must have seen something to get such an idea of demons and angels. One day, in the town of Oxten, something happens in a museum, a murder with no trace of a suspect. Detective Richard Lexen is sent in to investigate this murder. He later realizes that the murderer is not your common killer, and he may be in over his head in this entire mess. What kind of powers are at work here? Yeah... I had a dream lastnight, and it was pretty wicked. I don't know where it took place except it was a pretty big facility, and this is the best way I can describe it for now. xD These are three ideas, I'm not sure if I'll do any of them. Who knows? I still have a while to come up with something better than all of these. ^_^ So what does everyone think?

11:15 am

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11:09 am

You fit in with: Atheism Your ideals mostly resemble those of an Atheist. You have very little faith and you are very focused on intellectual endeavors. You value objective proof over intuition or subjective thoughts. You enjoy talking about ideas and tend to have a lot of in depth conversations with people. 60% scientific. 60% reason-oriented.

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11:06 am

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Your darkest secret is:	You wore the same pair of underwear for 2 weeks
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</table>

11:04 am

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You will go to jail for:	Setting off cherry bombs on the roof of your school while yelling death to tyranny!
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11:02 am

<td align="center">Your walk is:
Constantly Enforcing your Personal Bubble


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